015 - Who am I then? Tell me that first, and then, if I like being that person, I'll come up.

[notdreaming]

[ Private Text to Blight (and anyone else sustaining injuries from one Kara or another) ]

I'm so, so sorry. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

[ Private Text to Scorpius ]

What did you do to Kyle?

[ Open Spam ]

[ It isn't that she feels guilt for being that awful version of herself. She knows that she's better than that, and she isn't responsible for some other world where everything went somehow so much worse.

The trouble is that it felt so good, letting her powers loose on everything and everyone in sight. Not caring how much damage she caused, if someone was killed in the process. And when she doesn't hold back it's amazing and terrible what she can do. She really could take over a world if she wanted to. She's every bit as dangerous as the people of Earth assumed she was. It makes her sick to her stomach.

The first thing she does when things go back to normal and she's herself again is to fly so far into the CES that nobody will see the flash when she lets off an enormous bout of solar energy. She burns power until she can barely fly anymore, and makes the long trek back to her room on foot.

Concerned friends will find that they have access to her room - she's been very good about keeping her access lists up to date. Anyone else might find her in the dining hall, eating a great deal more than usual and looking outright miserable about it. ]

Comments

[andyougoleft]

[Slevin doesn't actually like hot chocolate enough to be bribed by it; his addiction is coffee, or peanut butter, and he considers telling her that.

Then, deliberately, he nods instead and tosses the cube back.]

Deal.

[notdreaming]

[ She catches it clumsily, but the smile on her face comes a little easier. She turns to head into the kitchen. ]

I'll make it, you make yourself at home, okay?

[andyougoleft]

I don't know, that depends: do they have drinks made of chocolate on Krypton, or is that something you just learned about here?

[He's teasing, though, lowkey as he glances around the room. He's been in here before, but not for a while; when he'd come in earlier, he'd only looked for signs of distress and a place to put the cube down. Now he really looks, circling idly to find a perch on a chair.]

[notdreaming]

[ She sets the cube on her father's desk, an elegant glass and wood fixture that's otherwise covered by bits and pieces, doodads really, sunstones, tablets, styluses. She's since shoved most of it towards one side to use the rest for storage. ]

We don't have chocolate, but we do have instructions.

[ That's right: Swiss Miss.

The rest of the room is all plants and crystals and roundness and color - a beloved family home from another world. There are even framed pictures of the happy family and their friends. ]

[andyougoleft]

You'd be surprised how little that can mean when it comes to the fine art of comfort food.

[This distracted as he studies the pictures he can see from where he opts to sit. He'd been out of place, before, in a memory of a room much like this one, with some of the people in the pictures gathered around and talking, laughing, loving.

Now he's invited, at least, but he still feels out of place. He presses his palms together, fingers straight and flat, and holds them carefully between his knees, chewing his lower lip for a moment.]

Is that your favorite? Chocolate?

[notdreaming]

That and pizza. Flavors on Earth are so much more exciting than on Krypton. But maybe that's just because I'm a foreigner.

[ She's not watching him now, though there's an open archway between the kitchen and the living room. She's putting together their swiss miss, plopping the cups into a machine that is probably something like a microwave. She tried heating up milk on the stove once and it ended badly. Apparently it can burn. Who knew? ]

What's yours?

[andyougoleft]

[More certain of his surroundings, Slevin is watching her. He doesn't know what the device is necessarily, but he's used to that by now. As long as he doesn't die drinking whatever comes out of it, he's not going to ask about it. Actually probably not then, either.

He wrinkles his nose.] Yeah, we're regular hedonists.

Peanut butter. And coffee. I'd kill people I wasn't paid to if I didn't have coffee.

[notdreaming]

[ All that comes out of it is two steaming mugs of Swiss Miss, which Kara brings carefully over to Slevin. She sets it down nearby so he doesn't have to grab it by the hot cup portion. ]

Rao forbid you not be paid for it.

[ She smiles at her joke and takes a seat near him. ]

[andyougoleft]

It's what separates us from the animals, Kara my dear.

[But he's smirking, making it a joke on his own part too - even if it's really not - while he accepts the hot chocolate with a quiet] Thank you. [He doesn't try to drink right away, just holding it, transferring it from hand to hand as his wrists get tired.

Then, before he can chicken out, he adds seriously:]

I'm sorry.

[notdreaming]

[ She's smiling until he turns serious, then the change in mood sends a pang to her heart. He's sorry? Did he rip a person limb from limb? Did he make a hobby of scarring people? Well maybe he did. She wouldn't know. ]

What are you sorry for?

[andyougoleft]

Because you were kind and this place has not been to you.

[He doesn't look up when he says it, turns the mug in his hands around and around, navigating the handle carefully so he doesn't spill it.]

Because you were kind to me, and I've been nothing but an asshole back.

[notdreaming]

[ She shakes her head, not particularly willing to meet his eyes either. ]

I haven't always been kind. I know I... I'm a real brat, sometimes.

[ Picking fights she didn't need to, following Slevin around all the time when he clearly didn't want her... She's no angel, and she certainly doesn't feel like one. ]

[andyougoleft]

[This time though he does look up, dark eyes narrowing on her, a quiet kind of incredulous because she can't possibly be serious. She can't possibly look at the people around her and think she isn't one of the best ones here.]

Are you actually arguing with me right now?

[notdreaming]

[ She physically turns away from him, hunching her shoulders in defensively. ]

It's true.

[andyougoleft]

[But Slevin's attention doesn't waver, his voice doesn't falter.]

It's bullshit.

[notdreaming]

[ She doesn't really have a counterargument, though she does sneak a sidelong glance at him as though she doesn't want to admit that his opinion really matters to her that much.

It totally does, though. ]

[andyougoleft]

[The good news is that Slevin has a lot of opinions, and isn't typically shy about sharing them. She sneaks a look - he keeps going.]

I said you've been kind to me. That's not an easy thing to do, and I'm fully aware of it, but you did it anyway.

Just because you're not perfect doesn't mean you're not also good. No one's perfect. A lot of people are shitty. You're not.

[notdreaming]

[ She looks up to meet his gaze now, a quiet sort of desperation in her eyes. ]

You really think so?

[ Everything he says makes sense, but when she gets herself into a funk it's not easy to get her out of it. She has that typical teenager's sense of over-self-awareness. Every tiny bit of immaturity feels like a crime against humanity to her right now. ]

[andyougoleft]

I can't believe you don't.

[Slevin is a liar. His name is a lie. His life is a lie. Lying is what he does as a career, when he's not killing. But he is also capable of staggering, unbroken conviction.

Now he smiles at her, small and tight but sincere, and reaches to set his mug down.]

I don't go out of my way for jerks. Not to cheer them up, anyway.

[notdreaming]

[ She manages a small smile. He makes a good point - she can't imagine him trying so hard to cheer someone up for no reason. Actually, she can't imagine him doing it at all. Now that she thinks about it, he's being very sweet to her just now. The thought makes her smile a little easier. ]

Thank you. I really needed to hear that.

[andyougoleft]

You're welcome.

[He manages, with a single tone, to convey both sincerity and a - mostly - teasing don't expect it from me again, though the accompanying smile helps. He doesn't work this hard very often, that much will never change, but he's okay with how this worked out.]