23 - And what is the use of a book without pictures or conversation?

[notdreaming]

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[ For all the time Kara spends in her room, she spends at least an equal amount of time in the Enclosure, soaking up the sun and enjoying the sights. She's very content these days, satisfied with the friends she's made on the barge and the progress Kyle has made toward graduation. Some day soon she will be able to return home, she can feel it.

Those who frequent the pub know where to find their bouncer and amateur drink mixer. She is merciless with troublemakers and any who aren't supposed to be drinking. She can still be found in the library as well, continuing her studies of Terran medicine as well as that of other species. She's always been passionate about learning: it's as natural to her as breathing.

If she's been having bad dreams, it doesn't seem to have dented her mood yet. ]

[ Dreams are in comments! ]

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[mercurialize]

[Intending to not block her sun, Kylar stands above her invisible. The ka'kari is better suited for shadows, reflecting light is a new trick and one that seriously needs some work. The results are splotches of shadow that twitch like leaves in the wind, but not quite as naturally. But never a better time to practice than the present, right? His face turns visible before the rest of him.]

Hey.

[notdreaming]

[ She rises up on her elbows and grins at Kyle. This particular bit of magic definitely needs work, and she didn't even need superhuman abilities to see it. ]

Hi. I hope you aren't trying to sneak up on anyone with that.

[mercurialize]

[He lowers to a squat beside her, mirroring her grin.]

Not yet. Give me a week though, I'll get the hang of it.

[notdreaming]

How are you doing?

[ She rises to sit properly, and motions for him to have a seat next to her. No need to be rude. ]

[mercurialize]

[He'll take her offer and sit, legs crossed and back hunched forward.]

Oh, you know. Just great, going mad with the rest of this place, seeing things that aren't mine to see. Good old barge. How about you?

[He sounds all too cheery.]

[notdreaming]

The same, pretty much.

[ She's a little confused by his tone, but tries to ignore it. She's had a few of those dreams, but she doesn't know most of the people in them. ]

[mercurialize]

[It's a relief to hear he isn't the only one dealing with it. Some seemed to have missed their beauty sleep as of late, but it's more reassuring when someone you know is going through the same thing than all the passersby on the barge.]

So, you'll never guess what I saw.

[The cheeriness drops to a frown.]

Me. Which means it had to be yours.

[notdreaming]

[ She frowns at him, not making the connection at first. She remembers his 'death' better than her own. Then it clicks into place, her expression quickly changing from startled to apologetic. ]

Oh. I'm sorry, that was... not pleasant. [ She rubs absently at her neck, remembering the pain that plagued her after she woke up. ]

[mercurialize]

You're sorry?

[He shakes his head. She would say that. But they've been through this before.]

You haven't seen any... [How should he put it?] You haven't seen any of mine, have you?

[notdreaming]

Well it is mine. [ She's just taking ownership... or something. ]

No, I don't think so. Not yet, anyway. If this is the flood... [ There may be a lot more nightmares to come. ]

[mercurialize]

It is the flood. It has to be. People aren't supposed to see stuff like that.

[There's anger in his voice, but it's in no particular direction. Death usually doesn't scare him. But Kara was terrified so he was terrified, it wasn't an emotion he appreciated feeling.]

You're all right though? I mean, for now.

[notdreaming]

Yeah, I'm fine.

[ She's surprised to find that it's actually true. She's seen enough death here that it doesn't haunt her nearly as much as it used to. And anyway, she doesn't sleep much, so she doesn't dream much. ]

What about you?

[mercurialize]

[It takes him a moment to respond. Something isn't clicking for him and he knows he's going to sound like an idiot.]

No, I'm not.

Why were you scared?

[notdreaming]

[ She really doesn't know how to answer that. ]

What do you mean?

[mercurialize]

[He can't put it into words. He knows death scares people. He's seen the twisted expressions of terror on his deaders countless times. But he's never experienced that gripping fear, not with death. With other things, with Rat, yes. Anything Rat could do or did, however, made death seem like a mercy. Somewhere he lost that understanding, if he had it to begin with.]

You were scared of dying, weren't you? But why were you scared? What made you scared? Just me? Or was it something else?

[notdreaming]

[ Her frown deepens. She knows he isn't joking, it's just hard to wrap her head around. ]

I... I don't know. It isn't something you think about, it just happens. You can't help it.

[mercurialize]

[He rubs the back of his head. It just makes him sound broken. Like a gear is missing in his head.]

Life is meaningless. When we take a life we take nothing of value.

[He recites it with disdain. But then shrugs as if it means nothing.]

I don't believe that. But I guess something about it stuck.

[notdreaming]

[ She considers for a moment, and something comes to mind. ]

Have you ever thought about dying? Just, ending. No coming back, just nothing.

[mercurialize]

[The question surprises him a little. But more because he can't grasp Kara's perspective on it. All he can focus on is his own.]

Of course.

[notdreaming]

Does it scare you? To think that one day it will be your last day, and you won't know it until it's too late?

[mercurialize]

No, it doesn't. I didn't always have the ka'kari and even before then, if someone wanted to kill me then I'd be dead. There wasn't anything I could do even if I fought my hardest. When I finally stood a chance, it just seemed fitting. [It's bitter half smile on his face.] Justice.

[notdreaming]

[ She looks at him like he just told her his puppy died. ]

That's... sad.

[mercurialize]

[He takes offense to that. Kara doesn't mean it that way, of course. It's probably pity. That part doesn't bother him, it's that he still doesn't understand and somehow the part he does is sad or wrong.]

How is that sad to you?

[notdreaming]

I'm sorry, it's just... you never had any hope.

[mercurialize]

Of course I did. I hoped I wouldn't die, that I wouldn't make any mistakes, that I'd wake up for another day. But if it happened, then it happened. That's just life.