notdreaming | 23 - And what is the use of a book without pictures or conversation?

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[ For all the time Kara spends in her room, she spends at least an equal amount of time in the Enclosure, soaking up the sun and enjoying the sights. She's very content these days, satisfied with the friends she's made on the barge and the progress Kyle has made toward graduation. Some day soon she will be able to return home, she can feel it.

Those who frequent the pub know where to find their bouncer and amateur drink mixer. She is merciless with troublemakers and any who aren't supposed to be drinking. She can still be found in the library as well, continuing her studies of Terran medicine as well as that of other species. She's always been passionate about learning: it's as natural to her as breathing.

If she's been having bad dreams, it doesn't seem to have dented her mood yet. ]

[ Dreams are in comments! ]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

mercurialize

[He can't put it into words. He knows death scares people. He's seen the twisted expressions of terror on his deaders countless times. But he's never experienced that gripping fear, not with death. With other things, with Rat, yes. Anything Rat could do or did, however, made death seem like a mercy. Somewhere he lost that understanding, if he had it to begin with.]

You were scared of dying, weren't you? But why were you scared? What made you scared? Just me? Or was it something else?

From:

notdreaming

[ Her frown deepens. She knows he isn't joking, it's just hard to wrap her head around. ]

I... I don't know. It isn't something you think about, it just happens. You can't help it.

From:

mercurialize

[He rubs the back of his head. It just makes him sound broken. Like a gear is missing in his head.]

Life is meaningless. When we take a life we take nothing of value.

[He recites it with disdain. But then shrugs as if it means nothing.]

I don't believe that. But I guess something about it stuck.

From:

notdreaming

[ She considers for a moment, and something comes to mind. ]

Have you ever thought about dying? Just, ending. No coming back, just nothing.

From:

mercurialize

[The question surprises him a little. But more because he can't grasp Kara's perspective on it. All he can focus on is his own.]

Of course.

From:

notdreaming

Does it scare you? To think that one day it will be your last day, and you won't know it until it's too late?

From:

mercurialize

No, it doesn't. I didn't always have the ka'kari and even before then, if someone wanted to kill me then I'd be dead. There wasn't anything I could do even if I fought my hardest. When I finally stood a chance, it just seemed fitting. [It's bitter half smile on his face.] Justice.

From:

notdreaming

[ She looks at him like he just told her his puppy died. ]

That's... sad.

From:

mercurialize

[He takes offense to that. Kara doesn't mean it that way, of course. It's probably pity. That part doesn't bother him, it's that he still doesn't understand and somehow the part he does is sad or wrong.]

How is that sad to you?

From:

notdreaming

I'm sorry, it's just... you never had any hope.

From:

mercurialize

Of course I did. I hoped I wouldn't die, that I wouldn't make any mistakes, that I'd wake up for another day. But if it happened, then it happened. That's just life.

From:

notdreaming

[ She shakes her head, but not in denial. ]

I don't think there's any way that I could understand. I'm sorry.

From:

mercurialize

[As much as he'd like Kara to understand, he's glad she doesn't, that she couldn't.]

Guess that makes two of us, then.

Has nothing else scared you like that before though?

[He's wiggling around for some other way to connect things. It's probably a lost cause.]